What you don't have, you don't need it now.

Voila. So here it is. A modest little blog, with a single follower. Why i'm doing this, I can't say that I have a facisimile of a cule. Perhaps because i'm so sick of masquerading, day after day, keeping my humor, my sarcasm, my joy, my excitement, every bit of it in check to keep from appearing utterly bizarre publicly. This is my one trump, over all the times the urge posessed me to leap up out of my desk in a flourish in class, and trumpet Blink 182's "The Party Song" to the entire class. But I don't. Instead, I sit in my designated throne, talking mostly to those people doled out to me, based on vocabulary, intelligence, or common interest, and subconsciously wonder what else is out there. Don't get me wrong. There are times when I realize that these recurring characters in my life, those school mates who can't exactly be called the Lassies of my life but who I find sticking to me like glue during school hours nonetheless are really the best matches for me, I can't help but simultaneously ponder the possibilities.. Of forging an irrevocable bond with somebody completely unlikely. This might make more sense if the people associated with me were more conventional, and conservative, but that isn't even the case. People like Sasha Perez, Jordan Springer, and Holly Poole can hardly be considered the norm. However, as cliche as this sounds, I wonder how many of the norm are actually the norm? What if i'm completely missing out on a shining trinket of a personality, and I won't even be granted the simple grace of ever knowing it? Which is why I should be that much more thankful for the enthralling and the not so enthralling people in my life, but still, i'm haunted by what I may be missing out on. So many souls, so many talented, beautiful, vibrantly electrifying souls, the likes of which I may never know by chance or, and this is the painful part, may never know because they aren't interested in knowing me. I'm tired of people pairing off into couples like animals in heat, and feigning compassion, sympathy, and love simply because they understand that that's what is required in order for them to survive in the society we've made so complex, and socially oriented. There's a saying that goes "We point out the flaws in others that we despise in ourselves". Is that me? Am I filled with contempt for myself, for being fiercely protective and zealous over George, allthewhile neglecting those other vital components in my life? The answer is yes and no. Yes, I know that I do it, and i'm filled with disgust for it. But no. I'm so disgusted, not because i'm void of emotion for anyone else, but because I truly love the other people in my life, and hate that passion overrides all else with me, and I unintentionally neglect them.